There is a lot of information out there about what autism is and how autistic people differ from neurotypical people. Though we are not quite there yet, awareness of autism and these basic differences is growing, and the world is slowly beginning to make more allowances for autistic people. However, there is a concept that I don’t think has yet been fully grasped by the neurotypical world, and that is that the differences between how an autistic person experiences the world, and how a neurotypical person does, go far beyond a few basic things: every basic difference has a knock-on effect to pretty much every other aspect of our lives, and ultimately colors our perspective and shapes who we are as people.
This, I’m sure, can be said for all types of diversity, but I’ll keep this focused and personal.
In this post, I’ll list ten observations about the challenges I face as an autistic adult, focusing on things that might not be immediately obvious to those who don’t share my experience.
1. Learning Difficulties
This one is particularly interesting because I consider myself highly intelligent and have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and understanding. However, most of the meaningful and useful things I’ve learned, I’ve had to learn on my own terms and at my own pace. This is because the traditional methods of teaching and testing in education systems aren’t optimized for the way my brain works.
The result? School, college, and university were uphill battles that taxed me mentally, emotionally, and even physically. I often felt I underachieved academically, and my sense of self-worth suffered because of this, leading to long-standing depression and severely limiting my career prospects.
The impact of my unique learning style extends beyond academia and touches on fundamental aspects of my personal and social development. It affects everything from basic interaction with others to understanding societal systems, politics, cultural customs, and traditions. This makes navigating life feel like I’m always playing catch-up.
2. Differences in Core Values and Ethics
Due to my unique perspective on society and reality, I frequently find myself at odds with the generally accepted values and ethics of the world around me. My brain doesn’t easily accept what it’s told as truth; I question everything, both passively and actively. I’ve spent a lot of time analyzing human behavior, societal systems, and my own inner workings.
This has led me to form my own conclusions about how I see myself, measure my worth, and fit into the larger systems of society and the universe. The values I’ve arrived at are often vastly different from what’s widely accepted, leaving me feeling alienated—even among my closest friends.
This sense of alienation goes beyond the emotional; it affects my ability to navigate life, as I try to make decisions based on my core values while living in a world that often contradicts them. In many ways, I see society as oppressive, stifling both my creativity and personal growth. Yet, this struggle fuels me. It has shaped my identity and driven me to push forward in ways I might not have without it.
Still, the oppression holds me back from doing many of the things I’d like to do, especially in terms of creative pursuits, which leads me to constantly fight back against it.
3. Forging and Maintaining Friendships
I don’t think I fully understood what friendship meant to me personally until my thirties, and even now, I wonder if my definition aligns with what others experience. During school, I had people I spent time with and even a few who I considered friends, but in hindsight, I often felt misunderstood, unseen, and undervalued. I don’t think I gained much from those relationships.
For me, friendship has become something rarer and more sacred. Maintaining social contact is a drain on my resources, requiring more energy than it might for neurotypical people. As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned to value my time and energy, becoming more selective about who I spend it with.
I now have very high standards for who I consider a true friend. Combined with the social challenges that come with being autistic, this means I struggle to forge meaningful friendships. And when I do, these bonds tend to have a limited shelf life.
4. Networking
In a world that places such high value on the ability to network and connect with others, being autistic puts me at a distinct disadvantage. Success often relies on the ability to integrate into social groups and be seen as valuable within them, whether in personal or professional settings.
Though I know I have value and a lot to offer, I struggle with expressing this in a way that resonates with others. The same difficulties I face in forming friendships make it hard to integrate into networks or communities. Since my resources are more limited than most, I often burn out or lose momentum before I can establish lasting connections.
This lack of consistent networking severely impacts my career prospects and limits my ability to thrive in a society that values relationships and recognition.
5. Assumptions
We all make assumptions—it’s part of how our brains function, helping us optimize mental energy by relying on preconceived ideas. However, when others observe me, their assumptions are often based on neurotypical patterns of behavior, leading to misunderstandings about my intentions, feelings, or character.
For example:
My limited range of expression in body language and tone of voice often leads people to assume I lack enthusiasm.
My need to conserve resources can be misinterpreted as antisocial behavior, moodiness, or unreliability.
The ways I interact with others, based on my personal values and capabilities, can be seen as antagonistic, even though that’s never my intention.
These misjudgments can alienate me from people and opportunities, making it harder to connect or form relationships. Though I’ve tried to adjust my behavior to meet societal expectations, it’s mentally and emotionally draining, and it often feels counterintuitive to who I am.
6. Sensory Overload
One of the most difficult challenges I face is sensory overload. As an autistic person, I am highly sensitive to certain stimuli—particularly sound and touch—and my brain struggles to filter out unnecessary information. This makes busy, noisy environments overwhelming.
For example, shopping malls, supermarkets, and loud social gatherings are draining for me. When I’m in a chaotic or sensory-rich environment, it feels like I’m drowning in stimuli. Sometimes, it leads to anxiety attacks, which only exacerbate the issue. Even when I’m not overwhelmed to that extent, my focus is still divided, and I can’t perform at my best in those environments.
As a result, I seek out quieter spaces and do my best to avoid places that might overwhelm me. But it’s not always possible to avoid those situations, and when I do have to face them, it’s a constant balancing act.
7. Expenditure of Resources
Living day-to-day as an autistic adult is difficult, and it never gets easier. The simple tasks that neurotypical people do without a second thought—preparing food, washing, brushing teeth, doing laundry—are much more taxing for me.
It can feel impossible to juggle all of these daily routines, let alone have the energy to do anything outside of them. Sometimes, I have to skip meals, let dishes pile up, or forgo certain aspects of personal hygiene to carve out time for other things—whether that’s going to a social event or working on a creative project.
This constant balancing act takes a heavy toll on my mental and emotional resources. I often feel like I’m playing a game of survival, choosing which aspect of my life to neglect so I can focus on another. It’s a system that’s never perfect, and I’m always adjusting it to suit my ever-changing needs.
8. Sex
Sexuality is another area where I experience significant differences compared to neurotypical people. The way I relate to sex and intimacy is shaped by my unique values and understanding of relationships.
While many people seek out sexual encounters for pleasure or validation, I view sex as a deep, integral part of a relationship. It’s not just about the physical act, but about connection, meaning, and intention. This perspective doesn’t always align with the broader societal view of sex, which can make relationships and intimacy complicated.
My approach to sex is more holistic, often focused on emotional and intellectual connection, and this has led me to construct my own model of intimacy, one that doesn’t fit neatly into the conventional boxes society expects.
9. Navigating Society’s Expectations of ‘Normal’ Behavior
As an autistic person, I often feel like I’m operating in a world designed for people who fit into a very specific, socially constructed mold. Society has a set of unwritten rules about how to behave, communicate, and interact, and when I don’t instinctively understand or follow them, I can be seen as ‘different’ or ‘other.’ From the way I express myself in conversations to my response to emotional cues, I often feel like I’m playing a constant game of catch-up, trying to predict how I should act in a given situation.
The societal pressure to conform to a ‘norm’ is immense and exhausting. It’s not always overt, but I feel it in every interaction, whether it’s at work, in social settings, or even at home. I often find myself overthinking or second-guessing my words, actions, and responses, worrying about whether they match up with what others expect from me. This isn’t just about fitting in — it’s about survival in a world that doesn’t always allow for deviation. And when I don’t meet these expectations, I feel the weight of judgment, which often leads to feelings of isolation and rejection.
This struggle to balance my authentic self with the world’s expectations sometimes feels like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. I may succeed in navigating some situations, but it’s a constant effort that consumes my energy and undermines my sense of self. While I might not always succeed in conforming, I also don’t want to lose sight of who I am in the process. But the toll it takes on my mental and emotional resources is undeniable.
10. The Pressure of Self-Sufficiency and Perfectionism
Autistic people often have an intense drive for independence, but the pressure to be self-sufficient and ‘perfect’ can sometimes become overwhelming. On one hand, I feel a deep sense of responsibility for managing my own life and making sure I am not a burden to others. On the other hand, I know that my brain is wired differently, and the challenges I face require more effort and creativity than most neurotypical people need to put in. But instead of allowing myself to acknowledge this reality, I have internalized the pressure to succeed and be ‘perfect’ in every aspect of my life — from my work to my personal goals, to even how I present myself socially.
This often manifests in perfectionism: I overanalyze, I procrastinate, and I exhaust myself trying to get everything exactly right. The fear of not meeting expectations — my own or others’ — leads to a kind of paralysis. I know that I have limited resources, and when it comes to certain tasks, I can feel overwhelmed with the expectation to ‘do it all.’ This battle to meet my own high standards often results in burnout, frustration, and a never-ending cycle of feeling like I’m not doing enough, even though I know I’m doing my best.
There’s also a sense of guilt that comes with needing help or asking for support. I feel like I should be able to handle everything on my own, which leads to a feeling of inadequacy when I can’t meet my own expectations or need to ask others for assistance. This pressure to be self-sufficient creates a constant mental tug-of-war, where my desire for independence clashes with the reality of what I can actually manage at any given moment.
These challenges are just a few of the many that come with living as an autistic adult in a world designed for neurotypicals. While some aspects of this journey are difficult, I wouldn’t change who I am. Every challenge has shaped me into a person with unique perspectives, strengths, and resilience. But it’s important to remember that the world doesn’t make things easy for those of us who don’t fit the standard mold. That’s why greater understanding, empathy, and accommodations are necessary for all of us to thrive.
I absolutely relate. Fantastically explained!